Mary Mba
Honors, achievements and special recognition:
- Outstanding International Woman Student, University of Kansas, Spring 2009
- International Students' Scholarship Award, University of Kansas, Spring 2008
- Outstanding Graduate Student Award of the Modern Languages Department, Kansas State University, May, 2006
- Award for Outstanding Support and Participation in ASU programs, 2006-2007
- Award for Outstanding Support and Participation in ASU programs, 2005-2006
- Best Speaker Award in a French Language Debate at the Nigerian French Village, 1997
How I became interested in my area of study/research/discipline:
I am from Nigeria, an English-speaking country, but I have been studying French and other foreign languages since I was in college in Nigeria. I decided to study foreign languages because of my adventurous spirit. I love traveling and discovering new things, places and meeting people, I also love communication and mediation. So my initial reason was to become a Conference Interpreter and Translator in order to work with international organizations such as the ECOWAS (Economic Community of West African States), AU (African Union) and the UNO (United Nations Organization). Though I am no longer training to be an Interpreter and Conference Interpreter, I still hope to eventually work with these organizations especially in the areas that concern women and children, which is why I am specializing in Francophone Africa French Literature and also getting Certificates in Leadership, in Women Studies and in African Studies.
An honor, achievement or accomplishment that is most meaningful to me and why:
I am extremely grateful to God for all the Awards I have received. They all mean a lot to me but I am exceptionally tickled for both my Outstanding International Woman Student Award and the KU Woman of Distinction Award. This is because as a foreign student in the United States, everything thing seems to be different - from the accent to the system of education. Besides, I am a single mother of three children of between six years and nineteen months. I was pregnant and alone starting from when I was three months pregnant with my last baby, but I was able to finish my Masters and start my PhD despite all the challenges I faced. When I was eight months pregnant, I had to be on crutches for three weeks due to some complications that I had; yet, I was able to continue by the special Grace of God and by the special people He placed all around to keep me going. Now, I have finished four semesters and I am very optimistic that I will not give up. These awards have fired me up even more! I know now that all eyes are on me and that I can not let those who trusted me so much as to honor me with these awards down. Besides, I am hoping that other women facing such challenges as separation and divorce would learn to put their trust in God and not give up. My dream is that they can see my example and know that they too can do it.
Someone who has been a role model for me:
I would say my mother! She was the first woman to go to school in my community, Alayi in Bende Local Government Area of Abia State of Nigeria. She studied under extreme hardship and conditions as she was beaten up many times by people who thought she was transgressing the norms and penetrating the male space because it was only male children who were going to school then. Women were supposed to get married, bear children and take care of their families. She however persevered through her mother's encouragement. Her mother had only five surviving girls and the other wives used to make fun of her, telling her that her girls would inherit nothing from their husband. So my grandma was determined to give my mother "the white man's" education. Through my mother's perseverance, academic achievements and prowess, other families started sending their girl children to school.
My mother was able to give all her children college education for which she paid all by herself, because of her training and background. When I look back at all that she had to overcome to get to where she got to, I tell myself that I simply cannot give up. Just like her, I find myself at the threshold of doing something that can impact other women positively. Just as her endurance brought changes in the academic status of girl children in my community, I would like mine to bring encouragement, hope and serve as an example to women living in abusive relationships, women going through abandonment and single mothers especially, those from other cultures and countries who are here in the United States with no family members around to help them. I want them to know that "one with God is majority" and that God can turn everybody, situations and conditions into blessings for them and take them to heights they never dreamed of ever attaining.
Someone who has been influential or had a significant impact on my life:
Many people have contributed immensely to my life and I will forever remain grateful to God and to all of them. I don't think that I could have achieved anything without all the numerous help that I get daily, from my children Ezinne (6 yrs), Ikenna (3 yrs) and Uchenna (19 months). They are my "raison d'être", they bring out the child in me and make life so much fun; from my brother, Arch. Uche Ukeje who is in Nigeria and has become more like a father to me - always encouraging me to hang in there; from faithful and rock-solid friends such as Ramatoulaye Ndiaye, who is more like to sister now than a friend, believing in and standing by me when everyone else turned their backs on me; from baby sitters among whom I will not fail to mention Mrs. Florence Otolorin; from great neighbors among whom are Don Claus and Andrea Ash; from understanding and very efficient professors and from cheerful-willing-to-participate-students! Not to mention the government agencies and agents that work relentlessly at helping people realize their dreams.
However, I would like to talk specifically about Joy Foster, a 79 year old woman who met me in August 2007 when I was eight months pregnant and just a week before the complication I had. We were introduced to each other through the Pregnancy Care Center, an organization that helps women going through crisis pregnancies. She stepped up and started helping with my children. She took me and my children into her home for two weeks after I had the baby and when I could not find a baby sitter, she babysat for me for three months until I found one, enabling me to continue with my education. She opened her home to me and even asked me to do my laundry in her home so I don't have to leave my children alone in the apartment while doing it or to pay for extra childcare in order to do my laundry. Not only that, when my car was giving me trouble and I was unable to secure a loan to buy another one, she co-signed with me and helps me to pay the loan. Right now, she is like a mother to me and grandmother to my children. My own parents are both already dead in Africa! She is White and I am Black, but she does not see my color, she sees God in me and that makes me cry everyday for Joy.
Most favorite college-related memory:
My favorite moment was the first day I went to class on crutches when I was eight months pregnant. I was scared stiff and wept easily. I could not figure out how I was going to teach and move around on my crutches as I was still learning to use them. A friend helped me to class and I could not make eye contact with my students. I hopped over to the board and while leaning on a crutch, I wrote on the board and hopped back to the table. I wanted to get back to the board and felt awkward hopping back to the board, so I lifted the crutch and used it as a pointer to reach the board. At the same moment, I looked straight at my students, smiled and said "well, I guess I have a longer hand now" and all my students laughed. I felt the ice break and I was relieved. The whole fear and tension disintegrated all my students rose to the occasion and participated more than ever before with everybody going to the board to write and forming groups and doing just about everything without much persuasion from me. I saw that moment as a decisive moment in my life because I had a choice of taking time off to heal, but I chose to keep doing my work because I enjoy it and it paid off.
An important life lesson I have learned:
I have learned to see the positive side of every experience and not spend my life bemoaning myself because everything happens for a reason. What I think and which I have proven from my experience that destroys people, saps their energy and renders their vision myopic while diminishing their accomplishment is negative energy. By this I mean, such feelings as anger, hate, fear, doubt, unforgiveness, paying back or getting back at people who have hurt or offended us; wanting others to suffer what we have suffered, inability to appreciate things, and hoarding knowledge. Such negative energies dry up our positive energy and prevent us from looking ahead and beyond and from developing beyond the points of our hurts. So I have learned to avoid them and to spend my energy being positive, believing I can do anything, living one day at a time and applying myself to making sure that I finished what I should for each day and never having to carry things over as each new day brings new challenges.
If I had a sister just entering college, I would want her to know...
She should honor and trust God; stay focused on her studies as well as get involved with people positively besides choosing her friends carefully.
A favorite quote or saying (and why it is meaningful to me):
Romans 8: 35, 38-39 –
35. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
[...]
38. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,
39. Nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
This portion of the Bible has freed me and continues to free me from self-condemnation and the condemnation and judgment of other people. It helps me to overcome my fears and doubts and to find peace and joy in my circumstances. Besides, it helps me to let go of the past and to look forward to a brighter tomorrow. It fills me with so much confidence and makes me realize that tough situations don't last only tough people do. Above all, it helps me to build my faith in God and to know that I have a loving father who watches over me and my children at all times and that we are safe and secure and to know that His thoughts for us are thoughts of good, not evil, to grant us our hearts' desires. It also helps me not to condemn other people since I know that they have the same heritage as I do in God through Christ Jesus. I know now that life is like riding the waves – highs and lows but with us wrapped securely in the love of God, we ride safely through it all.